Defining Timelines

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Pic by Tim Clarke

I don’t know why I have written close to 20 pieces in the recent past but I felt none good enough for publishing. However, I think I finally felt this one,,,,

In a month, I will be turning 27. It is a big deal. I acknowledge that I am soon getting to thirty, the most anticipated age for most ladies. At the same time, I have had one of the most amazing years of my life. 26 has been a year that I think I have had very personal challenges that have stretched my abilities, especially physically. In the past, it has been about other people wholly or partly but this one has been mine. I am so grateful because I have always prayed that I get these moments. They are not as easy as I thought. There are things that I may have been running away from by taking care of other people and facing them left me scared, sometimes scarred but there is no single moment I did not fall in love with

Amidst everything, I have learnt something important about setting your own timelines. When to buy something new, get a new hood, go on holiday  take up a new job, get married  or have kids, let it be at your own time. I know there are scenarios that may not happen according to plan, however, plan them. If they work out, it’s okay, if they don’t, it is okay too.

Work is one thing that causes many people want to change everything for. Let’s face it, I would want to drop everything for a $10,000 job . I need the money. But, does the money compliment the long term plans I have. It is funny that nowadays, I pick opportunities not just for money. Even a one day job. I want something that I will be happy about. I have at times done jobs that have been so painful to execute because I struggled. They never added anything apart from the money. I would then end up spending the money on useless things just to feel good. That is one thing that I have picked up big time.. I am not saying money is bad. No. It is a good thing and we should wish, dream and work to have a lot of money, become rich and finally wealthy .That is actually basically why we look for jobs. But if your friend or former school mate has a six-figure salary job, do not be desperate to get a similar one. You might never be happy and even quit. That is a wasted effort and time you cannot afford. Back in 2011 when I was in college, I was convinced to vie for a sports rep position. I was a lady known to love all sports so everyone assumed that I would do well. Yes I did vie, but of the few times in my entire life, I was so glad I lost. I actually voted for the gentleman who won and he did an excellent job. We worked together for a year and I appreciated why I was glad I did not win. I know my abilities, I know I can push the limits so much, however, with time, I know the fights worth fighting. I have started to discover when to pause, when to sit and watch and when to kick that door and invite myself in.

Another aspect that has been a big part of my interactions is about love. I am no love doctor but in my not so little world, there are things about love that I think should not be bent. Never ever. See, I have grown up in church, lucky to have been an extrovert and exposed to the world at quite a tender age. So I think I have a basic feel of the Christian, Muslim and secular world. My dad never went to church though his dad was a church elder. He would be sleeping as we left for church every Sunday he was around. He only woke up to give us offering. I was too young to get anything but I always admired the dads who brought their children to church and especially Sunday school. I was a Sunday school “prefect” so I would be by the door to see them hand the kids to the teacher. The little girl in me knew that as I grew up, I wanted the father of my children to take them to know God. Decades later, it is still my prayer.  A man who loves God first. A man who seeks God.  Definitely, you can’t say am looking for my dad in a man with this one.

Still on love, I don’t know why people think that by a certain age, one has to be dating, settling down or having children. See, I know there are women who are okay with not getting married, and it is okay. Some get married and do not want children, and that is okay too. We can’t live on standards set by the society. That it’s date get married and have kids’ kind of set up. What if you meet a man, have sex on the first day, get pregnant, then agree to date thereafter and end up not getting married? What if you date, have children then get married? Everyone has their own timelines, I have mine. I remembered when I turned 26 and told someone that I was single and not ready to date. The look on his face was as if I was an outcast. I DO NOT let the society tell me when I should date, when I should have children or when I should get married. I have my wishes, and every day, I take them to the Lord and let his will be done. Love is a beautiful thing, I know. Whether you date a man twice your age, a younger one, a dark or brown, one with a potbelly or one who has muscles even on the fingers, whether you love someone of your religion or another or an atheist, whether it an individual of the same sex or not, love is so pure that it knows no differences. Whoever I choose to love is personal, when I choose to love is my wish and God’s will.  I have learnt that a partner does not make you complete. I have lots that I should work on within me to attract the person who loves what I am. I do not change to make me likeable, no. Not even to my family or friends. If someone genuinely cares and loves you, they will love you for who you are. They will not change you.  And I know that someone loves me genuinely, I will not do stuff to hurt them even if they were my favorites. That is why, we have heard tales of mothers lying they are full just to see their kinds have enough. Why? True love. You will give up basic things that you really need to see someone else happy. Pregnant women give up alcohol . Why? True love . I have learnt that love is about sacrifice that I will not struggle with. At my own time, I will know how dating, marriage and kids steps worked out for me.

My last timeline is about work. Especially if employed. There are times I used to work up to 14 hours a day six days a week. I did it because I thought, that is how careers are built. Until i did a one month challenge to attend business forums and concerts. Career growth does not happen behind a computer and papers. Networking does not happen by sending emails and chatting on Whatsapp. Almost all the people who have come through for me are those that I met on football pitches, concerts or on social media. You might need to put in a lot if it’s your own business because you have the global perspectives of the inputs versus the return on investment. But if you know and understand that you cannot do it alone, get out there, drop the grey and navy blue suits. Put on a sundress and hat, or those boots and jeans. Go have a good a time. I have had so many lone adventures and dates that in the process I have learned a lot and met amazing people. It is no different as I get older. With my own timelines, I go out because the world is beautiful people filled with some amazing people and best opportunities !

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