It has been a writing dry spell! This has been real! I have started so many beautiful pieces but they are all sitting very pretty in the drafts section. I dont know why I felt that they are just not ripe for publishing. Maybe, I might get myself an editor. With a first hand experience of the abilities of an editor in a newsroom, I know that they will always save the day.
Another reason why I think I have been very skeptical about the pieces I have written in September is because they are very “happy” and “intimate” pieces that at times I am scared that they will make me very vulnerable to some people. As much as I call this space my online diary, there are things that I feel should be left to the draft section; who knows, I might wake up one night and press publish!
Too much of what cannot be done. Today am just throwing around snippets of things people have told me in the past one month that I have found extremely hilarious and somewhat mind blogging. Starting with today, I have had consistent headaches for a while now and over the counter self prescription has not done me any justice. Yesterday, I finally decided to call a doctor I know to book an appointment. I am not sure if it was the gods who wanted us to talk but apparently he picked his clinic telephone extension line instead of the receptionist. Maybe it was one of those days he had no clients and in a very good mood to chat. We talked for almost an hour and he kept insisting that he could prescribe an emergency contraceptive pill “just in case” I needed it. Hello Doc!!!! I called in with what I thought was a migraine, here he is insinuating that I need to get some action between my sheets! Am I doing that bad? We laughed about it. It was not funny but he is one doctor who has encouraged me to get married since I turned 25. I know he married his wife when she was 22 but doesn’t mean I will turn out to be like her 30 plus years from now. Lets just say, I ended up at another hospital with a doctor who lectured me about steroids ( I have misused elcolom 😢) and skin lightening creams (I just wanted a prescription to stop acne)
Another funny thing and its not so funny is when a close friend suggested that I had fallen in love with another friend ( I know you will read this, yes you win!). I was calm explaining what I feel for the guy. Nothing romantic. I was so convinced that there was nothing until the day I saw him hug his sister. I became so jealous yet I knew it was his sister. A month, a half a year, one year, two years and counting, I am learning to convince myself one more time that I do not love him. One stupid thing about me is that I do not know how to have feelings for two people. I dont just crush on the guys I can meet with and share good memories with, I simply fall, and the hard way. The kind that I deny but here nursing a heartbreak, a reconciliation and thoughts of the future without the guy in picture not being aware of. When my friend insisted that she knows what I feel, I had with me all the evidence that I dont crack. Ohh poor me, I cracked long before I knew and fell so hard that I think I might have bruised myself more than I imagined I did. For the past three months I have thought about it and come to a conclusion that I might have feelings after all. Maybe I have healed after all these years. Maybe I am too hard on myself to give love a chance. Or maybe, I do love myself so much that I am just too careful. I am a stupid lover who loves whole so I will sit here and enjoy the sunsets and pray that when that time comes, when I let myself enjoy it fully,I will not regret.
Last for today is from a tout who asked me why I work so hard. I was taken aback . For a while, I had boarded a particular Matatu every morning and in the evening. We would chat in the morning but I rarely did so in the evening. He told me that he noticed I always dozed off immediately I paid my fare in the evening. That was scary to me. He had observed me so much that I felt like an open book. He was not wrong either. For sometime, I have blamed myself for not achieving somethings by a certain age. One of the biggest is that I wanted to have invested into three things by the time I would be 26 years old but I have not. One started haunting me recently and to run away , I dug into work. I worked hard, I worked smart, I worked a lot, I worked extra, I just worked. The touts’ comments was some sort of a wake up call. Working was not solving what I wanted solved. Working meant I compromised my networks and strained my social life. Work meant I allowed myself to be taken advantage of. A lot of work meant I was always thinking about other people’s happiness rather than mine. You should have seen me that evening, I looked more miserable that I have done in a long time. I am glad it happened because I woke up with a better perspective about the goals I have. I allowed me reflect on my life a lot. I got ideas and to some extend, answers. A path to new chapter was born. Thank God it happened before life happened.
Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.