IT IS A WOMAN’S WORLD: SORRY, EXTROVERSION DOES NOT WORK

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That was too much detail to begin with but as woman, I have often battled with the feeling that at times, I need to be considered just because I am a woman. Like when we are in a team of ten, nine men and I expected to form a team of two or three, I should be picked automatically because I am a woman. The world does not work that way. The battle against a woman, in some instances, is purely sexist. It is a fact that the few women who work so hard to be at the top go all the way. This, especially in Africa, is not an easy thing a man to handle. A man will bring you down sometimes just because you are a woman. However, there are men who genuinely support women. A good example would be the president of the republic of Kenya backing Amb. Amina Mohammed for AU chair post. As much as I really wish that she will be elected on basis of merit and not politics, I feel so proud when men believe that a woman is competent enough for highly regarded positions.

I have heard stories from my friends where senior men in an organization have had flings with junior females that never ended in the ladies growing career wise. No sexually transmitted promotions. I recently read Danielle Steels; Power Play and I must admit I learned so much. Marshall Weston, A powerful CEO in Northern Carolina has an affair with junior staff who ends up bearing him beautiful twins. To him, the clandestine, is just what she wanted her for first, Sex. Reading this book, I wondered just what lengths we ladies go to get it easy. Also, how long does easy last? From my personal experience, it does not. I know hard work pays off. The good thing is that the step-by-step can be very painful and may take ages but one thing am sure of is that the position that comes with hard work may be taken away from you but the experience will a legacy. Drawbacks are only set back springs to leap into a bigger and better realm. This is only if you take time to analyze the short comings and learn from the mistakes.

Personally, as a woman, at times I get swallowed into the life of what the society will think of me. I tend to care more about what people will say about me. It even seems harder when you are not a very young girl and you think of what a potential suitor may think of you because you are pushing your dream. I remember a masseuse friend of mine we pursued a language course together two years back who stopped massage services partly because all the males she met thought she was a whore hiding behind professional masseuse services. What broke my heart was the time and financial resources she spent training to give the best massages. It was not proper but I keep on encouraging her to go for it. She was so good at what she did.

It is not so funny because over time, I have thought extraversion works. During in-house training on Balanced Score Card , one of the facilitators told us that in the current organizational set-up, it has almost become the norm  that only 30% of your work, actually determines what rewards you will get; “politics” contributes a massive 70%. It boils down to;

Who do you know?

What favours can you offer the senior?

What do you hold against the top person that can bring him or her down?

What cards do you hold in the many games you play at work?

It is sad because most women think pity party and sex are the only cards they have to play. You cannot lift a camera and you want to be a news reporter? Yes I know you might tell me that that is what camera man does. But lady, style up. You will go to a war zone and watch a bullet pass through your Cameraman’s skull. Does is mean you pack the bags and leave immediately or you get that scoop make yourself proud. As a woman, do you think sleeping 8 hours every night as the men burn the midnight oil to crack a code will make you super just because you pursued IT? Do you think as a mother when you take your girl shopping while the boy accompanies the dad to make business deals you are being fair to your daughter? Is it okay as a lady to constantly “proudly” claim how you hated Maths and sciences  before your children and other people ( even employers) make it okay? Do failures of the stereotyped areas make you a great woman? Yes we don’t have same abilities but it is high time women learn to maximize on their strengths. Boob and booty is good. Brains are much better. Six inch heels make you taller abilities, skill and experience makes a lady stand out.

It is okay if you happen to get into family business but what you bring to the table matters the most. When Margarita Louis-Dreyfus took over Louis Dreyfus Company after demise of her husband in 2009, most people expected her to keep the company on the growth trend with the same strings her husband pulled. However, there is only much one can do and deciding what is best and works for you is important.  She is selling Marseille Football Club, just maybe, it is the best thing that will ever have happened to the Agriculture based trade big house .

Women, let us build us.  

 

LIFE HAPPENED

It has been a writing dry spell! This has been real! I have started so many beautiful pieces but they are all sitting very pretty in the drafts section. I dont know why I felt that they are just not ripe for publishing. Maybe, I might get myself an editor. With a first hand experience of the abilities of an editor in a newsroom, I know that they will always save the day.

Another reason why I think I have been very skeptical about the pieces I have written in September is because they are very “happy” and “intimate” pieces that at times I am scared that they will make me very vulnerable to some people. As much as I call this space my online diary, there are things that I feel should be left to the draft section; who knows, I might wake up one night and press publish!

Too much of what cannot be done. Today am just throwing around  snippets of things people have told me in the past one month that I have found extremely hilarious and somewhat mind blogging. Starting with today, I have had consistent headaches for a while now and over the counter self prescription has not done me any justice. Yesterday, I finally decided to call a doctor I know to book an appointment. I am not sure if it was the gods who wanted us to talk  but apparently he picked his clinic telephone extension line instead of the receptionist. Maybe it was one of those days he had no clients and in a very good mood to chat. We talked for almost an hour and he kept insisting that he could prescribe an emergency contraceptive pill “just in case” I needed it. Hello Doc!!!! I called in with what I thought was a migraine, here he is insinuating that I need to get some action between my sheets! Am I doing that bad? We laughed about it. It was not funny but he is one doctor who has encouraged me to get married since I turned 25. I know he married his wife when she was 22 but doesn’t mean I will turn out to be like her 30 plus years from now. Lets just say, I ended up at another hospital with a doctor who lectured me about steroids ( I have misused elcolom 😢) and skin lightening creams (I just wanted a prescription to stop acne)

Another funny thing and its not so funny is when a close friend suggested that I had fallen in love with another friend ( I know you will read this, yes you win!). I was calm explaining what I feel for the guy. Nothing romantic. I was so convinced that there was nothing until the day I saw him hug his sister. I became so jealous yet I knew it was his sister. A month, a half a year, one year, two years and counting, I am learning to convince myself one more time that I do not love him. One stupid thing about me is that I do not know how to have feelings for two people. I dont just crush on the guys I can meet with and share good memories with, I simply fall, and the hard way. The kind that I deny but here nursing a heartbreak, a reconciliation and thoughts of the future without the guy in picture not being aware of. When my friend insisted that she knows what I feel, I had with me all the evidence that I dont crack. Ohh poor me, I cracked long before I knew and fell so hard that I think I might have bruised myself more than I imagined I did. For the past three months I have thought about it and come to a conclusion that I might have feelings after all. Maybe I have healed after all these years. Maybe I am too hard on myself to give love a chance. Or maybe, I do love myself so much that I am just too careful. I am a stupid lover who  loves whole so I will sit here and enjoy the sunsets and pray that when that time comes, when I let myself enjoy it fully,I will not regret.

Last for today is from a tout who asked me why I work so hard. I was taken aback . For a while, I had boarded a particular Matatu every morning and in the evening. We would chat in the morning but I rarely did so in the evening. He told me that he noticed I always dozed off immediately I paid my fare in the evening. That was scary to me. He had observed me so much that I felt like an open book. He was not wrong either. For sometime, I have blamed myself for not achieving somethings by a certain age. One of the biggest is that I wanted to have invested into three things by the time I would be 26 years old but I have not. One started haunting me recently and to run away , I dug into work. I worked hard, I worked smart, I worked a lot, I worked extra, I just worked. The touts’ comments was some sort of a wake up call. Working was not solving what I wanted solved. Working meant I compromised my networks and strained my social life. Work meant I allowed myself to be taken advantage of. A lot of work meant I was always thinking about other people’s happiness rather than mine. You should have seen me that evening, I looked more miserable that I have done in a long time. I am glad it happened because I woke up with a better perspective about the goals I have. I allowed me reflect on my life a lot. I got ideas and to some extend, answers. A path to new chapter was born. Thank God it happened before life happened.

Prove 16:13………..

Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.