Dear Son

Hello my little man. It is your Mum, Doris. I don’t know why am really writing to you but even though I tell myself everyday that I will not get mushy over you, I do . I think about you every day . I make promises which am very sure you will know of by the time you are here . First things first. I really want you to be Boris or Damian . However , I may not promise that that will be your name . Maybe someone will come up with a better  name that I will fall in love with . Maybe someone will tell me am too selfish to call you Boris because that more like Doris. I will then feel so guilty that I will call you Blessing or Zawadi . I really don’t know but just know that mummy really wants you as Damian or Boris .

I am planning on having your room theme as white just in-case you decide you wont be supporting Chelsea . Blue is a boys’ color but yours will be white with a touch of green . So you better come ready to be very clean . You will not be lucky with steel . I love myself some nice rugged wood. If you find your room to antique , bear with me my champ , at least until you can afford your home 😜. Just know that mom loves it that way .

My dear son, whether you will be brought up in the city or village, you will be an outdoor boy by all means. There is no way you will sit on my couch the whole day playing PS and junking . Not that you will not play PS, (Trust me am learning to play just to beat you then) but there is more that the world can offer other than TV . There is family, friends and even enemies you need to meet . Go out and discover the world, create ties that will crush you because they will break your heart . Also make ties that will make you the best version of a man you can be . There are a few places I will personally make sure you go ; the church , school  and racing track 😆 . If you will be lucky, a few cinema halls and music concerts.  I did not forget that I will be your first company to the washrooms, that’s rather too obvious.

Dear Son, when you grow up, I will always pray that you learn to trust your faith in God and the  decisions  you make. Nothing beats a human being who values him or herself and in turn  is okay with whatever decisions they do make. Son, I want you to be that man.

Son, this world can be cruel at times. When you get an opportunity to go to school, strive to be the best at what you do . I don’t mean that you must be the best among others, no. I will advise you to strive and be the best version of what you can be . Don’t compete with other people, their standards may be so low forcing you to lower yours. Be you . My mum taught me that , I hope you will learn the same.

There are a few things that I will strive to teach you . To be grateful, caring, firm and decisive . I will take you to the kitchen and teach you  a few tricks . You will decide to respect women and learn how to never allow women to take advantage of you . As a man, maybe at school, you will told by your mates that provided she consents to sex, you are good to go. No son. That’s not the script . Love a woman who loves you ; your mom  believes in love . Love a woman who compliments what it means to be a man. Marry a woman you will have a home together and build empires together. Love woman who will challenge you; one who can make decisions and stand by you. Love a woman who respects your family, flaws and your past.

I pray that when that time to marry comes, I will be able to see that beautiful day. I might skip the make-up part because I am not sure how I will be able to stop myself from crying.

Son, another thing you should know is that you will never be like your father . In fact , you will never be like any other man or woman. You will be a human being . Whatever decisions you make, never say it is because my father or mother did it too . Just make the decisions because you want to .

Lest you forget , I will always love you . I will always be ready to listen . I will correct you whenever you go astray . I will teach you what a mother should teach her son. That is what mothers are for . But, you will decide who you want to be .

I will always pray to God to make you the man he wants you to be .

Love,

Mum

Good Is Not Enough

“Well done Doris!”

“Good work young lady “

“Cool stuff!”

The above responses is what I will most of the time get when I have an accomplished a task, come up with a new idea or assisted someone to accomplish a task. The remarks are not bad, they are okay. They make me realize that my work has been appreciated. That makes me happy.

However, each time I go to bed, I review my day and ask myself if okay is okay. If being good is enough. If the good is only that; good yet I could have done better. What is that one thing that will stand out?

I like Simon Cowell of America Got Talent because of his continuous remarks to excellent individuals during auditions. He will always say, “there are very good singers everywhere but it’s only a performance that will make people remember you.” I like him for being brutally honest on that. What extra do you have on the good? What will you be remembered for? Let people stand on their feet to concur that it was excellent. Let your performance make people live the moment.

The extra doesn’t not come easy though. It needs so much effort that at times you may feel that you are being too hard on yourself. It may require sleepless nights, super early mornings, foregoes and sacrifices. Extra will require being nice and a *bitch* when the situation calls for it . Extra calls for taking the lead and not waiting for things to happen. Extra means work, a lot of the darn hard and smart work.

There are instances I have looked at my life and felt very miserable. I would want to have it easy. I would want not to “strain”. I pray for 100% accomplishment without draining to a point of closing my eyes even on the toilet set. But then I realize that am not that person.

I once lost a friend for giving up my seat for her. True story! I knew she needed the seat and if you live in Nairobi you might know how chaotic it can be during rush hours. So I struggle to secure her a seat close to the front and I gladly take the back seat. This simple one, which I would do again for any of my friends so in touch with their feminine side, cost me a friendship. I am glad it did. Through that, I realized that not everyone deserves to be treated nice even when you want to be that extra nice friends. When looking for extra, some of the sacrifices you have to make is letting go of those who don’t share your vision. It is okay. Let them go.

There are boundaries when searching for extra that, at times, those who are already good at it may take advantage of you. They will identify how desperately you need the extra and will use it to manipulate you so that they achieve their own. Be on the alert; learn to create e the boundaries. In my case, it mostly comes so late. I only realize this especially when my work has been plagiarized. There are instances when someone has sent me a report shared during a forum, praising the presenter, only for me to realize that it’s my work, word for word. It feels good to know that it was excellent but hurts that no one will ever know the work you put into it to achieve it . In such a situation, be creative and protect your extra the best way you know how ( you might need to consult a technical guy on this) . This will help you always have your work as your work because extra isn’t easy so no easy for someone else lusting it .

Let’s have an extra full August.

extra