Is It a Choice ?

In bid to be the best, we need to sacrifice so much. We compromise our sleep time, our social life at times our morals and more often than not, the *ME*.

DSC_0699I have been attending more talks in the last 12 months than I have in the other last 3 years combined. Every speaker has confessed to have sacrificed something. If not, he or she a struggled with keeping all areas of their life intact. Every day someone else stands up in a forum to echo the sentiments, I always take some time to think of the sacrifices I might have made consciously or not. In those times, I will wander off, into a faraway land mentally and think of the people I know who have had to make the very hard , painful sacrifices just to , maybe, fit in a certain social class or achieve a dream they badly wanted .

In one of the forums that had brought together working mums, I did learn that some women never saw their kids awake except on Sundays. Some has to sneak out of bed at midnight to finish on some paper work or reply to email or others , few but quite shocking , have chosen work over families . In another informal discussion, men have barely seen their family members days on end so that the wife will drive the latest car model and the children attend international school. What for? At what cost?

I used to and somehow still think they are crazy. However as each day passes, the reality dawns on me that it is not just them. Maybe I am able to see it because I am on the other side. But in all these, I fail to see me . I am blinded but scapegoats that I have rarely audited what sacrifice has cost me .

There are days I have kept silent because I clearly would not want to cause friction. I sacrifice my happiness for those I love . Then there are times that I have stopped myself from reaching out for fear of being called weak , desperate and insecure . In such situations I have had to live with regrets of not knowing what would have been if I tried . In other instances, I have waited for someone else to make the first move so that I can complement, I did not believe I could do it .

I have sacrificed my sleep, free time and resources just to please the people I have deemed important in making decisions I my life. On those days I have worked on my way to work, at work, during lunch breaks, after work and still carried my work home . Those days, I have passed on coffee dates, girl shopping , group discussions, music concerts , long walks and diary time . Those times, have made me weary , unproductive and weak .

I have cancelled weekend plans because an acquaintance needed favour and kept me waiting for four hours without apology. On such days, I have been angry with myself for letting me be used. I have inhibited my chance of experiencing new things because more often than not, that day would be wasted . Still I would not say or show how pissed of I am.

Then comes the days I have called family or friends just to pour my heart out then I end up listening to their own . With absolutely no chance of letting what I had out . On this day , I have cried twice as much as I would have ;for me and the person on the other end .

In all these situations, I have realized that they could repeat in a more lighter way . When I choose to encounter such . Like when I decide to work extra hour and skip my lunch , or call someone just to listen to them Then those deals or relationships that I have initiated and never worked. I will always be grateful I tried.

In all the situations, I wake up every day asking God to show me the way , that I will not please a fellow human being but I will be happy and Gods will ,will be done.