I WILL NOT LET MYSELF DOWN

When I am anticipating traveling, I prepare way in advance. I will mostly concentrate on what to wear because I know that my clothes largely speak of what I am going through and how my day will or has been. Unlike planned journeys, life is one very long one that you cannot fully prepare for the next minute. Today, I am writing this with a broken heart. Since the year began, I promised myself that I will not cry over situations especially at work and on friendship.  For family, I have no choice of what attachment I want. But today, on the 70th day of 2016, I broke down, just temporarily I know. I wished to tell someone just how hard I have tried and how best I have put my foot forward but I couldn’t bring myself to. On the 69th day, I called one of my friends who maybe know some of my darkest secrets. I just wanted to tell her how bad it had gotten but I couldn’t. For close to 30 mins, we basically chat about nothing. I stayed up close to midnight hoping that I could have someone to tell what I felt. Not that there are no people  to call, but I just wanted to tell someone who would listen and not tell me its normal. I wished for someone to just listen, hug me tight and tell me it is alright; or maybe I was being too hard on myself.

I stopped fighting when I realized some fights are not worth it. It hurts so much to know that I might be part of a fight that I really never knew was a fight. I pray, every single morning, that God gives me the grace to accept things I can’t change and change those that I can. I am okay with that. I no longer fight for favors, I stopped pleading for relationships that I felt was one way and I am learning to content with what God has blessed me with. I try not to gossip as much as I can, I stopped being a groupie but I don’t shy away for making friends .

I take on challenges that push me to the limit (God knows how hard I push myself) , I am learning to love more and fit in as situations arise .

This week, has been a roller coaster. Being from a point where I wanted perfection, I really wonder how I survived. Today, I stand up again, just to be me. The tears came, just for a few minutes. I wish I could change some perceptions, but I know I cant. So today I will let myself cry, but I know it will be a better tomorrow. I will not relent pushing a bit too hard, I will not stop dreaming, I will not stop taking challenges head on, I will not walk away because I will have given up, I will not stop asking God  to give me as much as he has blessed me with ;no , I will not stop . I will not sit back and watch because it is a culture, no! I will give as much as I can to stop a culture that doesn’t help me realize God’s will in my life. I will fight valid battles. I will try one more time until I can. I will let go where necessary , I will impart knowledge . I will be a successful as in ; *You are only successful when your successor succeeds *. I will watch, ask, read and practice just to learn and be the best . I will be more than just a woman.

I believe that God has a plan for each one of us . They are good plans. We have been given different strengths and weaknesses and it is okay . You can never have everyone as your friend. You can Never please everyone, you can Never be someone else, it just can Never be ,but you can learn to embrace everyone & teach them and learn from them because at the end of the day, there can only be one of that kind; you, her or him.

God has pu in me so much potential I sometimes downplay. When someone says no to me, I know that by the fact that I am alive, God has given me a yes to make a difference. He has given me the mandate not to apologize for being correct . I know that the Lord , through his scriptures , has taught me to say sorry when I have erred . With a new day, God has given me permission to be glad and rejoice in it .

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that if Doris believes in Him , she shall not perish but have everlasting life

I believe in God’s word

Jeremiah 1:5

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I dedicated you, a prophet to the nations I appointed you

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