2016 FIRST QUARTER AT WORK

If there is one thing that I really wished and prayed about in regards to work in 2016 is that God will give me the patience and grace to do what is right. This mainly might have been from my 2015 experience. That of being taken advantage of. I am one person who knows to say no but I mostly fail to do so at work. I would think this is because I am a perfectionist and somehow workaholic. But, quarter way through 2016 and I can truly say, the sea has pulled so much that at times, I can hardly explain. I can’t even start to think of the terms to explain it.

The three months have had some of the very best work related experiences. All of which I have looked back in awe with, “God, I know that is you and I am very grateful.” I have talked and met some people that have totally inspired me that when I have pushed myself just a little, it has been a surprise at what God has done.

In equal measure, I have never been tested this much in my career path; as a sales girl, teacher, journalist and all legal works I have done. It has been a ROLLERCOASTER!!! I have cried, dusted myself, prayed, put in extra hours or changed plans just to be a better person for me. It has been so bad that I think there are days I operated solely on my mother’s prayers.

I have never competed with anyone for anything, even in school. I always compete against me .The me now is work in progress. I look at the women I admire  like  my mom ,Stella Kilonzo, Cynthia Nyamai , Beatrice Marshal , Marissa Mayer and Sheryl Sandberg , I read their stories and listen to their testimonies . These women have always worked hard not so beat anyone but to outdo themselves and always be a better version of what they were the previous day. With that, I know that with the help of God, my current baby steps are a sure foundation because he never disappoints.

I did not write down any New Year resolutions. I thought of a better plan, a vision board with long term strategies. I am excited because of how GOD is working on each of my desires. One of the things I really wanted to do is work by the beach for a day or two. I did not know what work and honestly my employer was out of question. I thought maybe I would do some articles to a magazine or help out someone but God knew exactly what was to happen. He is faithful.

Working (either self/employed) , is not easy . There are sacrifices that one has to make. We are human and at times it is TOO MUCH TO BEAR but those are the times to look at the card in hand and play it well. Ask God to guide your steps every day. Situations , people and even yourself will bring you down, take advantage of you , set you up or break you, but never forget that the only person between you and your happiness is the one on the other side of the mirror ; YOU. Realize your weakness, learn to say sorry and do not feel ashamed to show vulnerability. Push the limits because nothing will be given to you on a silver platter. Above all, go down on your knees to praise, pray, exalt, ask, and talk to God. Only he knows the plans he has for you.

I don’t know what the next quarter holds, but I take one day at a time and always ask God to guide me and never let me go. It is three days to my brother’s 2nd anniversary. It is not easy emotionally. I don’t know what death does to other people but I think I am learning to understand what it has done to me. One might be that the pain will always be part of my life, at least for now and though I can hide under the fake smile, sleep or loads of work, there are days it will be so bad and it will not choose the place to manifest. This will be a constant reminder that better days are ahead, hope for a day free of Pain. Happy days .

Psalm 37:4-14 

4 Take delight in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart. 5 Commit your way to the LORD; trust in him and he will do this: 6 He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun. 7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes. 8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath; do not fret—it leads only to evil. 9 For those who are evil will be destroyed, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land. 10 A little while, and the wicked will be no more; though you look for them, they will not be found. 11 But the meek will inherit the land and enjoy peace and prosperity. 12 The wicked plot against the righteous and gnash their teeth at them; 13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked, for he knows their day is coming. 14 The wicked draw the sword and bend the bow to bring down the poor and needy, to slay those whose ways are upright.

 

I WILL NOT LET MYSELF DOWN

When I am anticipating traveling, I prepare way in advance. I will mostly concentrate on what to wear because I know that my clothes largely speak of what I am going through and how my day will or has been. Unlike planned journeys, life is one very long one that you cannot fully prepare for the next minute. Today, I am writing this with a broken heart. Since the year began, I promised myself that I will not cry over situations especially at work and on friendship.  For family, I have no choice of what attachment I want. But today, on the 70th day of 2016, I broke down, just temporarily I know. I wished to tell someone just how hard I have tried and how best I have put my foot forward but I couldn’t bring myself to. On the 69th day, I called one of my friends who maybe know some of my darkest secrets. I just wanted to tell her how bad it had gotten but I couldn’t. For close to 30 mins, we basically chat about nothing. I stayed up close to midnight hoping that I could have someone to tell what I felt. Not that there are no people  to call, but I just wanted to tell someone who would listen and not tell me its normal. I wished for someone to just listen, hug me tight and tell me it is alright; or maybe I was being too hard on myself.

I stopped fighting when I realized some fights are not worth it. It hurts so much to know that I might be part of a fight that I really never knew was a fight. I pray, every single morning, that God gives me the grace to accept things I can’t change and change those that I can. I am okay with that. I no longer fight for favors, I stopped pleading for relationships that I felt was one way and I am learning to content with what God has blessed me with. I try not to gossip as much as I can, I stopped being a groupie but I don’t shy away for making friends .

I take on challenges that push me to the limit (God knows how hard I push myself) , I am learning to love more and fit in as situations arise .

This week, has been a roller coaster. Being from a point where I wanted perfection, I really wonder how I survived. Today, I stand up again, just to be me. The tears came, just for a few minutes. I wish I could change some perceptions, but I know I cant. So today I will let myself cry, but I know it will be a better tomorrow. I will not relent pushing a bit too hard, I will not stop dreaming, I will not stop taking challenges head on, I will not walk away because I will have given up, I will not stop asking God  to give me as much as he has blessed me with ;no , I will not stop . I will not sit back and watch because it is a culture, no! I will give as much as I can to stop a culture that doesn’t help me realize God’s will in my life. I will fight valid battles. I will try one more time until I can. I will let go where necessary , I will impart knowledge . I will be a successful as in ; *You are only successful when your successor succeeds *. I will watch, ask, read and practice just to learn and be the best . I will be more than just a woman.

I believe that God has a plan for each one of us . They are good plans. We have been given different strengths and weaknesses and it is okay . You can never have everyone as your friend. You can Never please everyone, you can Never be someone else, it just can Never be ,but you can learn to embrace everyone & teach them and learn from them because at the end of the day, there can only be one of that kind; you, her or him.

God has pu in me so much potential I sometimes downplay. When someone says no to me, I know that by the fact that I am alive, God has given me a yes to make a difference. He has given me the mandate not to apologize for being correct . I know that the Lord , through his scriptures , has taught me to say sorry when I have erred . With a new day, God has given me permission to be glad and rejoice in it .

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that if Doris believes in Him , she shall not perish but have everlasting life

I believe in God’s word

Jeremiah 1:5

Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I dedicated you, a prophet to the nations I appointed you