I Love My Ex

Time heals ? No way , it doesn’t . Not for me . Times allows me, just like a cow , to chew life cud . Reflect on all the moments we shared . The first eye contact , the first hello, the first date , the first hug , the first kiss,just the first everything . I do concur that there is nothing absolutely as beautiful as love . Its addictive , intoxicating , painful , bonding , soothing, foolish but still opens you to a totally new world . A world of love . A world where most of the times everything is meant to work . An atmosphere that allows someone to spread the wings and explore new heights that in moments sobriety from love influence , the escapades would rather be hushed. Some love stories do last , like till death do as part thing . This Cinderella love is kind of wish that any love bird secretly prays and longs for once they are in the moment . However the bitter truth is that not all love stories live to tell their own stories .Some end *prematurely* , or rather ran their course quite fast .Often after breaking up , we tend to hate and only remember the bad and the ugly from the past ,after which we move on and create new memories. I totally agree with the first bit however , my second phase , I choose to enjoy the good memories we shared. The moments of ignorance , stupidity and wholesome loving . Every little thing that made me smile from my first love .

Being a self confessed sapiosexual can be tricky . Before I discovered this a few years back, roughly seven years , all I ever wanted was a man to love me , take care of me as a partner and hopefully as a wife . No men come with tags . If I may quote Carmen from devious maids, “all men should come with warning tags, just like chocolates have for calories. None is good for women”. This is so true . So when I opened my heart to love , I did love, without reservations . I never finished his sentences , we did not have our song, we never had pet names ( am bad at it ). We had us . Two souls that wanted love without holding back . Raw and thirsty of love , eternal love . The one that did not believe in letting go . Love that trusted , kept no records of wrong doings . The kind that knew boundaries and had no greed to know more than shared . That one that cared less of any third party influence but remained loyal to the two souls that had the same beat .

These moments made me realize that I could love someone other than my nuclear family so hard . It opened me to a completely new world of exploration , forgiveness , happiness , dreams and hope for the future . It shaped my world to learn accommodate other people who we differed in skin color , ethnic backround, sex ,age, ambitions , goals , ideas and social status . The memories created have made me realize that life , depending on how you look at it , can be very beautiful . How else would one deny this when may years down you still remember something you did with your ex and blush amidst trying to overcome constipation ?

It took me a long time to see my past relationship in this perspective . It is hard for most of us , especially women to accept this but I have . In situations where this relationships took years especially , there is so much that made you two (or us two) stick together . A friend once told me that she is lucky to have dated a certain guy . On prodding , she told me how she got to learn how to share . All her life , she has had *me,myself and I* attitude but through the said guy, she discovered that you can still love someone without forgetting yourself more .

I still have my ex as a friend, but with boundaries . Just to avoid having confusing feelings again , we talk , meet and share . But this has to be in public , daytime and not so often . There are days when you might think of the “US” factor , yes , its bound to happen but there is no time to get it twisted . There is a reason we graduate from high school to college , just like you have to get over your ex. For someone to grow in the next relationship , you MUST reach a point of being at peace with your past . It should come a time when you get into another relationship without comparing your lover to your ex girl/boyfriend . You are to be in a position to meet your ex and not feel awkward , be genuinely happy for their success/moving on , come to terms with the fact that he/she might date someone more beautiful/handsome, smarter or adorable .

A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage . No one prepares you for the time it will take for healing process . For some, its months,others its years , others eternity but at the end of it all , one must learn to let go . It is still a puzzle to me how one day , I almost ( coz I never will) treated my family less important than him . How everyday my heart literally skipped every-time he called me Dee or the intensity of his gaze when I looked at him . How I was totally blind to all tell-a-tale signs of something going wrong . How my mama saw it before I did.

Today though , it doesn’t hurt anymore . It is a lesson well learnt . Time can NEVER EVER tell just what pain I went through . What I have battled with because of a broken relationship . How many times I looked at my phone wishing I could see a sorry text . I waited long enough just to hear the the words “ I am sorry” but I realized it was all in vain . Slowly , I dealt with me, bit by bit . I might not be there yet but I know am not where I was close to five years back . I have learnt to find self love and satisfaction again. I have stopped blaming myself bombarding my conscience with * I wish I had,,,* . I have grown to see, * I did ,,,and it was worth it * . As I sit down to brain storm on my wedding theme , I see the world in a different perspective . A world full of genuine men , not perfect but those who accept their imperfections and are ready to change . Men who cannot promise of a perfect tomorrow but guarantee you a day of happiness . A man who is willing to learn how to be a better lover , partner and father . A man who is not afraid to loose you because he knows it aint gonna happen . A man who will not fight for you because he knows he has no reason to wanna make you ensue a fight . A man who find it easy to act that confess love . That man after my own heart .

P/s : The first piece ever written for 10 days


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