Few years back, I guess when I was still suffering from late adolescent hangover; I had a very funny discussion with some ladies. The *side dish*, mpango wa kando, the other woman, name it, status. I am one of those ladies who greatly respect the marriage institution. The act of knowingly dating a married man sends shivers down my spine . However, yesterday I found myself analyzing a very funny situation. If a lady dates a man , so single but wants to date for 10 years , (uuum, I got no explanation why I think it’s fun to date for such a long time) , while this guy wants to settle down, is it okay to let him marry but still remain the love of your life ?
Tricky, ha? I almost, okay, I did convince myself. From my selfish point of view it is so okay. To make own this school of thought, I will use myself as the subject, trying to details exactly what was going through my mind at the time.
“If this woman is now dating/married this man I met before her, I should not feel guilty dating him even if they are a family now. See, we met before she showed up with her hurried marriage appetite. He does not love him. He married her because he wanted children urgently, something I was not ready to offer .We are soul mates, we knew this that moment our eyes locked at that place (top secret). I remember the way we could not stop looking at each other every time we bumped into each other. You see, this is real love. But this woman!! (lol! can you feel my tone ? ) . She looked like she will make a good mother though. She is the kind that wakes up before everyone, sleeps last and never expects her hubby to even clear the table. The kind of woman who wakes up to prepare her hubby’s friends breakfast because they went partying late and crushed at his place with their women(hell no! not my man’s house!!) Unlike this hard headed girl I am who has been brain washed by movies that have men bake as if it’s the bread of life and scrub the kitchen while I do my pedi !
He still calls me beautiful and we got inner jokes, e.g kifedhs ( I am in tears of laughter for that word! OMG! This is turning out a confession). We still talk late into the night and we tell each other silly secretes. We still inform each other of major decisions we want to make and console ourselves that we just friends. His boys still take me out and call me madam so&so !lol! Oh jeez! My ribs! Big S , don’t kill me for this if you see it . I love the name.
We still have that gaze at his in-laws (the wife’s’) parties. Am a good pal, so I am always invited to parties. I love how well he treats the wife. How well he walks behind her. He is a good one, holding hands/waist was a reserve of us ;-). All these things and much more. Do they justify that we can be more than friends again? There should not be guilt. Who gate crushed our party? Who got into marriage because she only wanted children? Who doesn’t like triggering the macho side of our (yes he is ours, me and her) man? Absolutely not me. It’s her. Does she deserve a cheating hubby? Absolutely no! She is too sweet and submissive for it .I cannot be half the wife she is now. Am only twice the other woman she can try being.
My conscience and principle: There is only one way, moving on and forward .Marriage is a holy institution, blessed by God
Life Rule: Friends, good friends, are treasures too expensive to lose and too delicate to take for granted
Reality: True love NEVER dies
Another Reality (From Movies): If you love someone for real, you should allow them to go when the time comes
PS: Dear J, you made a good choice. Walking away from such is justice to you and the marriage institution. Respect gal!


One thought on “THE OTHER WOMAN

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