Birthday week is here ,,Hallelujah!!!!! I will be officially a year older … its usually a good feeling huh? Its also my mothers Jubilee birthday,a real golden gift she is . I started the week reading blogs . I *accidentally* stumble on Wanjiru Ngethe blog. I am not into fashion so i went to personal . The article Boy-Fie caught my eye . For all those asking how my weekend was , here is the answer ,, 

Do u have that one old boyfriend, that you still think about as a potential husband or better placed future boyfriend? Well… I do, my best friends girlfriend also has one which at the moment is awkward information to hold and to keep as both parties (my best friend and her girlfriend) have put some level of trust in me. I know first come first serve but then as long as it’s doing no harm to both of them the information I think for now it is better as it is.

Out of topic a little but am back. My old boyfriend *in subject is called Davis and is an attractive man, although he doesn’t top the list of the men I have had affairs with, don’t judge, Taylor swift is a family name and she’s done it more. Anyway, on a scale of 10 he could be a 6.5 of all the attractive guys I have been with, but surprising there is something about him that just pulls the hell and heavens out of me to his home. This is not something hard to explain and I bet by the end if this article all my friends will be texting or emailing me ‘’it’s him right?’’ and yes darlings almost all of you will be right, well, everyone f you will be, those that know me obviously not those that here about me.

This is ending up as the story of the man I have loved the longest, i got to know him when he was just a boy but I will cut the long story of his adolescent stages to his early adulthood where we actually got to have the opportunity to experience and share our lives and like love birds tend to phrase, we felt, believed and become soul mates, well I still don’t know if that is still applicable but once in a while he throws that punch line when we are good friends in need and in a chat mode.

Just a few seconds before I started writing this I want to start a chat with him, get to probably know how he is, what he is doing and hopefully get to hear from him (sweetly) and then end up telling him we cannot be but in my heart happy that he still has a special spot for me in his amazing and incredible heart. So am guessing you wondering why I keep pushing him away if his words still have n impact in me. I will tell, just like men, we women also love a little push and pull, I know he loves me and its easy love, I know we can be together and both of us probably believe that one day it will be a walk the aisle kind of relationship, at least sometimes I do, when we texting and my heart blocks my mind.

So today just before my heart got selfish, I remembered am in a relationship, with a guy I will tell you all about very soon. I don’t want to be that person in a relationship that’s being unfaithful, I have been and I have had someone become that person in a relationship with me that person. This time I have made that decision to respect the relationship I am in, I have decided to not let the old boyfriend shoulder a comfort zone and will do all it takes to move past the fantasy, even if all it takes is a blog of emotions and heartfelt messages to myself and hopefully a follower that feels the same way as I do.

So to my old boyfriend, chaos!!!






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