ME, THE FIXER

It’s been a while since I got inspiration to write. As I previously wrote, I always write when either extremely sad or happy. However today, am inspired to write after a whole worship session and testimony. From the testimony, I realized one thing; I have all my life struggled to be a fixer. I may acknowledge it to being first born .I have thought I can always fix everyone and everything. I have always thought that I have a solution to all the problems. I have been quite prayerful since I was very young. I know that we can only do all through Christ. I know that I cannot fix anything without God. However I would always act on my instinct and adrenaline to solve a situation.
I have always wanted to see all those around me happy. I thought I had a solution all my problems. My dad died when I was very young. Though it has been a grueling journey to accept it, it somehow made me a “brick”. I tend to bar the pain, emotions and reaction; I always try to jump all the hurdles. I see myself a pillar. This is wrong. When I remain alone, I cry myself to see thinking it’s a solution. I have had to do things am not proud of just to be ok.
Things happened in my life in December 2013, I would call Gods’ intervention. My life was in turmoil and I decided to pray and proclaim something upon my life on 1/1/2014. Looking back, I thank God for taking the lead. It has not been the best 1st quarter of any year in my entire life. Through all, I thank God for making me realize that he is my anchor. 2nd cor 4:8-9 and 1st cor 10:13 are the verses that have kept me going. I now see more sense in psalms 23. I find more reason to worship, pray and internalize sermons. I am making baby steps in a new territory of just not being a good Christian but a project of Jesus teachings. It no longer looks awkward to shout an Amen in public.
Somethings happen to us to break us, test our faith and make us stronger. I am working towards making myself resign to Gods will and work towards have the unwavering faith. Learn not to question God but praise him. It’s the hardest thing I have my whole life. I know his promises are yes and Amen. I know that I will not fear for he is with me.
I just wanna encourage all going through hardships in life. We may not have the friend to talk to. We may lose the ones we love. We may not have a human being to lean on but in Prov 3:5-6 we are encouraged not to lean on our understanding. His burden is light, so let’s allow him to help us. I am saying this because I understand Christ wholly, no. but I have decided to open myself to Christ. I want him to take charge of my life. I want him to use me for is glory. It’s never late. You can never know until you resign yourself to the will of God. It all starts with prayer, praise and worship. And to grow, fellowship with brethren who have the same mission and vision, to know Christ more.

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